Fake it ’till you make it?

  “Fake it ’til you make it.”

  Does that phrase sound familiar? 

  It’s late at night, I’m lying in my bed, and I just had a revelation. 

  What if it’s not about faking it? 

  I mean hear me out now. How many of y’all have had a really bad day, like a woke-up-with-a-toothache, spilled-coffee-on-your-shirt, late-for-work kinda day? Or maybe it went deeper than that. Maybe you didn’t want to wake up because you really couldn’t think of any good reasons why. Or maybe your clothes don’t fit because you’re not eating like you should, because no amount of food can fill up the emptiness in your heart. Or maybe you don’t have anywhere to go anyways. 

  If that’s you I just wanna start by saying, I’m sorry. And believe me, that isn’t a “I’m just gonna say this because that’s the proper thing to say” kinda sorry. That’s the sorry of someone who’s been there, like really been there. Someone who knows what it’s like when it feels like everything anyone says is pointless because it’s never gonna change. 

  When those days come, when you’re hit with a flood of total and complete meaninglessness, it’s easier to paste on a smile and act like everything is fine and dandy then it is to sit down and confront your demons. So you fake it, and keep faking it and you don’t stop. But as the days go by the hole is still there. Yeah, you can distract yourself. You can get lost in everything going on around you. You can even forget it’s there sometimes. But it is, and it’s eating a hole deeper and deeper in your heart, and one day you’re terrified you’re gonna wake up and there’ll be nothing left of you at all. 

  So, obviously faking it isn’t doing anything. 

  For real, when has it ever helped? 

  Avoiding being embarrassed when you share your feelings? But then you never heal. 

  There’s a risk, and nobody wants to be hurt or rejected. But part of loving is losing. I’ll be straight up honest right now and tell you that there will be people that will heat what you say and laugh. And there will be others who hear and pretend to care but don’t really have time to care the way they should. But there will also be those that open up their heart, risk getting hurt themselves, and love you, your crazy brokenness and all. 

  And trust me, it’s so worth the risk. 

  I don’t know about y’all, but for me I would rather have loved and lost then never have loved at all.